As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I’m moving this weekend. Sorry about the lack of blog updating. I have lots to write about, like the not-so-easy toning EasyTones and a major FAIL on my part. Once I get all settled in up north, I’ll be sure to get back into routine.
Moving is GREAT exercise though, I’m sweating like a fat man walking up the stairs…
Today was a glorious day to have off. The sun was shining and the weather was blissfully warm. It was the perfect day to put on the first dress of the year…or so I thought.
After spending the morning cleaning, packing and doing laundry, I decided to get dressed in a cute purple dress that hasn’t seen daylight since last summer. I thought it looked good, until I was stopped by an elderly couple at the grocery store that bombarded me with questions about my “due date”, in their oh so sweet southern drawl.
First of all, I was buying WINE and cheese. Does that look like a basket of goodies for an expectant mother?
Second of all, I am wearing jeans now. That dress may not EVER be worn again.
Third of all, I’m moving in a week. No one talks to strangers in the grocery store at home. I am looking forward to this.
Last week, I talked about needing to “shock my system” or changing my habits all over again so that I “trick” myself into losing weight. I read through some of the other McFatty posts and saw one about bingeing on junk for one day and then losing weight again. This appealed to me. Rationally, it makes NO sense. I am not a rational person, I am emotional. So, I ordered a pizza…and ate it all. Over two meals, but still, PIZZA! (Food police can kindly keep their mouths shut about this thankyouverymuch.)
Really, what I’m saying is, the reason for no change in weight loss this week is my own damn poor choices. It’s a miracle that I didn’t gain weight, I FEEL like I’m 3000 pounds and the only way I’ll get out of the house EVER AGAIN is for the roof to be cut off and a crane to hoist me out. (If ever I were to get that large…NO…that’ll never happen…but IF it did…set the house on fire…with me in it.)
Oh and I had a delicious cupcake yesterday too. I have broken my cake fast…Sigh…
Never go to the grocery store when you are hungry. It’s frowned upon to devour bags of potato chips like a ravenous caveman.
Have you ever gone into a store and fallen in love with an article of clothing, only to discover that the tag reads, “one size fits all”? This is a crock of shit. I’ve got news for you, clothing manufacturers, ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL!!! One size doesn’t even fit most! I hardly see Fat Albert squeezing his man-titties into a T-shirt sized for Nick Jonas. Or me squeezing into a sweater dress cut from a stencil of Kate Moss’s anorexic ass. I can just see it now: I slip the dress over my head and past my shoulders, only to have it roll up like a rubber band right at the top of my chest and under my armpits in such a way that my arms are stuck in the air and I have to ask assistance from the 16-year-old skinny teeny-bopper to get me out of the sweater dress trap I have gotten myself into because I am -of course- shopping alone. All the while she’s thinking, “Did she REALLY think she was going to stretch that over those back boobs? Now I’ll never sell this!”
No, thank you. I’ll stick to real sizes. M, L, XL
Oh hi there ladies of McFatty Monday! I’ve missed you! Well, I’ve still been lurking in the shadows silently, secretly hating you all for how fabulous you look admiring your progress.
When I started this blog, I said that I wanted to use it as a way to keep myself accountable and air my frustrations. What I really think I wanted to do with it was show off my progress and fish for compliments. I haven’t been posting as much recently because I haven’t had good news to share. It’s really created a bit of a vicious cycle when you think about it. Getting discouraged, so I don’t write, get discouraged again, so I don’t offer encouragement either. Consider this my promise to, at the very least, write one progress report a week.
Progress since Friday-my pants feel slightly looser. Perhaps I will see a lower number on the scale finally!!
–noun
Psychology . a period of little or no apparent progress in an individual’s learning, marked by an inability to increase speed, reduce number of errors, etc., and indicated by a horizontal stretch in a learning curve or graph.
Find a “sponsor”. Yes, just like an alcoholic. Pick someone who will tell you NOT to eat the pizza you are craving, otherwise you might just find yourself downing half a pie with a pal.
The below email was sent to me today and I laughed for a long time after reading it. I hope everyone else enjoys too.
Recently, in a large city in France, a poster featuring a young, thin and
tan woman appeared in the window of a gym.
It said, “This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?”
A middle-aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of
the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question
posed by the gym.
_
To Whom It May Concern,
Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious
humans.) They have an active sex life, get pregnant and have adorable baby
whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with
shrimp..
They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia ,
the Bering Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia …
Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs.
They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than
humans.
They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.
Mermaids don’t exist.
If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of
Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human?
They don’t have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them,
not to mention how could they have sex?
Just look at them … where is IT?
Therefore, they don’t have kids either.
Not to mention, who wants to get close to a girl who smells
like a fish store?
The choice is perfectly clear to me:
I want to be a whale.
P..S.. We are in an age when media puts into our heads
the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an
ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver, and
a piece of chocolate with my friends..
With time, we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and
wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room,
it distributes out to the rest of our bodies.
So we aren’t heavy, we are enormously cultured,
educated and happy.
Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think,
¨Good grief, look how smart I am!¨
Drink plenty of water. This one is a given. However, your boss may want to start giving you work that can be accomplished in the bathroom as that is where you will be spending most of your time.
