Seeking hobby, suggestions welcome

You know that question that guidance counselors always pose to figure out what you want to do with your life? “If you had endless amounts of money and could do anything you wanted, what would you do?” My answer was always the same as Peter’s from Office Space, NOTHING.  I don’t have any hobbies really.  I took a cake decorating class once, but only made one cake that needed decoration after the class ended.  I took advantage of my craft store discount to buy endless scrapbooking supplies that sat in a Rubbermaid box for years, collecting dust (along with my parents wedding album that I was going to re-do for their 25th anniversary.They just celebrated their 30th in November.  Oops.).  I tried crocheting but only accomplished half of a scarf that got wider as it went along.  There are countless more examples of incomplete craft projects that I didn’t bring across the country with me.  Clearly, I am not meant to be crafty.  However, I need something to do until my new job starts.  I am going bat shit insane stir crazy!  It only took me three days to watch the entire first seasons of both Doctor Who and Dexter (both excellent shows, I highly recommend them.).

Don’t get me wrong, the first week of not having to go anywhere or do anything was glorious.  I read by the pool, soaking up the sun.   I went for a walk around the neighborhood.  I went driving through Tempe in an effort to find may way around the city. I cooked several delicious meals.  It was great!  Now, I’m growing restless and I need something else to do with my time.  The problem is this, I’ve looked into taking some yoga classes and things of that nature, do not have an extra arm and leg laying about to pay for such things.  So, I need suggestions for a project or activity that is inexpensive but will give me something to do.  I love the Doctor and all but I’m starting to think that things that happened in the shows I’ve been watching are actually happening to me.  So, Billy if you see me trying to open the door to the exercise room with a “sonic screwdriver”-smack me!

Leave me a comment if you have anything in mind!


Weight Loss Tip #441

Quit your job without another lined up.  You will be so afraid of running out of money that you eat as little as possible!

Also, being a retail manager has very much the same diet as a college freshman.  Pizza and cheetos for lunch 5 days a week.  Just getting away from that will allow you to lose the craft store 15 er 40.


The Art of Interviewing

I have never been on a job interview where I haven’t been offered a job.  Don’t get too excited and start asking for interview advice or anything.  I think it’s mostly been because I have pretty decent schmooze capabilities and a gift for getting interviewers that would rather talk about themselves instead of asking questions.  Which brings me to today’s interview with a direct marketing company who for the sake of this post we will call BubblyGirls Inc.

The posting on Careerbuilder read RESTAURANT/CUSTOMER SERVICE/RETAIL EXPERIENCE WANTED.  Ok.  I have that, I have loads of that. -A woman threw underwear at me my first day of working EVER and I was still able to tell her to have a nice day.- Sketchy job description though, I really hoped this wasn’t one of those job scams where you have to drive around trying to sign people up for telephone discounts (Yeah.  I’ve been on that interview too.), but I applied anyway.  Hell, any job is better than no job, right?

The thing about these companies is they all have OVERLY energetic people with really vanilla names working for them.  I think if I had accepted the job offer I would have needed to change my name to *Stephanie and add several “likes” and “oh! cools” to my vocabulary.  Sometime last week, I received a phone call from **Kayla in the HR department of BubblyGirls Inc. requesting to, ‘like’ set up a phone interview with one of their managers. -Yes, she really said “like” and I believe there was an “awesome” in the form of a question that SO many women think is cute.  It’s not.  It makes you sound stupid.  Cut it out.- So anyway, against my better judgement, I set up a phone screen for the next day at 1 pm.  At 12:45 the next day, I received a phone call from an even more bubbly girl by the name of **Ashleigh who was so super excited to ask me a few questions about myself.   The call lasted all of 5 minutes at the end of which I was told that I would receive a call back if I was one of the lucky top contenders chosen for a face-to-face interview. Well, lucky me!  I was like totally chosen and so super excited? (oh no! did I just speak in the form of a question?)

So, I printed out my resume, did my make-up and put on my best interview face:

Including snarky smirk. I promise I actually smiled at these women.

When I arrived at the office of BubblyGirls Inc., I was immediately greeted by the ***cattiest gay receptionist in the world, who looked me up and down, sniffed, and said, “She’ll be right with you”, in the most snobby tone of voice I have EVER heard.  (This is impressive.  My grandparents hung out with some pretty snobby rich folks.)  A few minutes, later **Ashleigh bounded out to the lobby to greet me.  First question, “So tell me a little about yourself?”  Ugh!  That’s not a question Ashleigh!  So I did a quick rundown of my qualifications and blah blah, just moved here, sick of snow, wanted something new, pleasehiremeIhaveaveryexpensiveiPhonetopayfor!, and Ashleigh “like” informed me that I would now get to go out into the field to observe what the job would actually be.  Seriously?  One not question and five minutes later you’re sending me to talk to yet ANOTHER BubblyGirl about whether or not I am bubbly enough to sell your skin care products?  (Cue flashback to telephone sales “marketing” interview) I exit the non-interview, refrain from giving catty gay boy the finger and make my way back to my car to drive all the way to a Scottsdale Sam’s Club. (I’m not changing the name of Sam’s Club.  You’ll see why)  I considered not going in for a moment.  You see, I vehemently oppose all things Wal-Mart and Sam’s Club on account of their shady business practices.  For instance, intentionally researching small towns with only one local ma and pa store that’s been there for generations and building a giant tan and green Supercenter that promptly puts ma and pa out of business because they can’t compete with the low prices that Sam has probably single-handedly arm wrestled out of the manufacturer that in turn goes out of business after which I imagine Sam stands there and pees on the ruins of said business all the while laughing at the demise of yet another family’s ability to support themselves.  Don’t worry Earl, Sam will give you a job as a greeter! …uh- where was I? Right BubblyGirls.

I walk into the Sam’s Club,  to be greeted by BubblyGirl #3, we’ll call her Mackenzie.  Mackenzie immediately reaches for my thumb to show me how super awesome this nail file works to make my nails so shiny that I can see my reflection in them and isn’t that amazing?  -Kill me now,  I should have just gone home.-  Instead, I reply with some sort of lame attempt at “that’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen, now I can die happy!”, which was convincing enough for Mackenzie to go through the run down of the pay scale (minimum wage or commission, whichever is higher at the end of the pay period), opportunities for growth (none) and ask me what TWO qualities I had that made me stand out from the rest of the crowd?  To which I promptly sent a text to a friend that read, “Yeah.  There’s no way I’m taking this job even if they offer it to me.”

Moral of the story, NEVER go to an interview for a “marketing” company with a vague job description and a website that tells you all about how wonderful they are without ACTUALLY telling you what they do.  It’s a scam.  If I wanted to make minimum wage while trying to sell people products they don’t want or need, I would still be a cashier at the good old craft store.  At least at the craft store people WANTED the products!

*I apologize for offending anyone named Stephanie.  There were at least 13 of them in my graduating high school class.  I was simply illustrating that your parents all got together and named their children the same names.  I’m sure Emma will be our children’s Stephanie, just as Elaine was Stephanie in 1950. (No really, I looked it up.  That was the year it was most popular)

**Name changed to protect privacy.

***I love the gays, seriously.  I live with one.   This guy was well, for lack of a better word, a stupid bitch.

Will flirt for food

When I lived in Raleigh, I ate lunch nearly every day at a Greek restaurant that was within walking distance of work.  I was there so frequently in fact, that they started giving me free food.  It was harmless at first.  A little baklava here, no charge for a drink there and then came the grape leaves.  Oh stuffed grape leaves.  I don’t think I paid for a single stuffed grape leaf the entire time I lived there, and when they found out I was leaving, my whole lunch was free.  Do you know why?  The very hairy cute old Greek man behind the counter told me it was because of my beautiful smile.  (Did I mention he was very hairy and that not many women must have smiled at him?)  So of course, I flashed him one last set of pearly whites and landed another side of free grape leaves.

Shameless?  Absolutely not!  If an action as simple as smiling and striking up casual conversation with a lonely old Greek restaurateur helps save me a few bucks, I will do it again and again.

In fact Niro’s Gyros has a new regular patron…

Wow, I wish I could do that!

I’ve gotten an awful lot of responses since announcing my decision to pick up and move across the country without a job lined up or much of any money saved.  They range anywhere from, that’s ‘gutsy’, ‘brave’ or some other synonym indicating my overall reckless behavior.  All the way  to “I’m so happy that you’re starting a new adventure”. To the less popular, “Are you completely insane?!”

However, the overwhelming reaction has been, “Wow.  I really wish I could do that.”

At first, I took all of this in stride.  Smiling when I was supposed to, laughing when it was said that I was crazy or when I was told by one friend, “Good luck on welfare and food stamps.” (yeah-I wanted to punch him too).  Somewhere in the middle of Tennessee I started thinking over and over again about the sentence, “Wow.  I really wish I could do that.”  Why CAN’T you?  If you are truly unhappy with your situation, find a way to make yourself happy.  That’s exactly what I am doing.  Who knows whether or not I will like Arizona, but it’s something I have to try.  If it turns out this is isn’t for me, I’ll move on to the next thing. I want my life to be an adventure, one that I can look back on without any regrets or any thoughts of “Man, I wish I had done that when I had the chance.”

I spent far too long in a job that I hated and as a result I became unhappy with nearly every aspect of my life.  So much so, that I didn’t recognize the person I had become and I inadvertently ruined relationships simply because I was no fun to be around.  So, I quit and I drove west to start a new chapter in my life.  One that will be filled with risks (sky-diving?), 60 mile walks in the desert, lot of gay bars and who knows what else.

I guess what I’m saying is this:  The only thing holding you back from doing what you want is you.  If you think you can’t, then you won’t.  If you know that you can then you will and I know that I can.

Join for free

Dear Weight Watchers,

Thank you for the emails you have been sending to me on an almost daily basis.  You have worn me down. (Plus the number on the scale at the doctor’s office today.) Your promise of a free month when I sign up for the monthly pass has convinced me to go back.  I clearly cannot do this on my own.  See you tomorrow…at 7AM.

Love always,


I’ve been here before

I am slowly losing the weight that I gained back.  I’m down 2 pounds this week, which means only 1 more to get back to where I left off. Of course, I wasn’t very healthy about it this week, so I’m kind of afraid that once I get my appetite back I’ll gain it back.

This post is a little uninspired, I know but I’m just not feeling like being funny or creative right now.  I’ll work on it.

Edit:  It’s actually 3.5 pounds this week.  I did my math wrong… I thought my pants were more loose.