One size fits all

Have you ever gone into a store and fallen in love with an article of clothing, only to discover that the tag reads, “one size fits all”? This is a crock of shit.  I’ve got news for you, clothing manufacturers, ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL!!!  One size doesn’t even fit most!  I hardly see Fat Albert squeezing his man-titties into a T-shirt sized for Nick Jonas.  Or me squeezing into a sweater dress cut from a stencil of Kate Moss’s anorexic ass.  I can just see it now:  I slip the dress over my head and past my shoulders, only to have it roll up like a rubber band right at the top of my chest and under my armpits in such a way that my arms are stuck in the air and I have to ask assistance from the 16-year-old skinny teeny-bopper to get me out of the sweater dress trap I have gotten myself into because I am -of course- shopping alone.  All the while she’s thinking, “Did she REALLY think she was going to stretch that over those back boobs?  Now I’ll never sell this!”

No, thank you.  I’ll stick to real sizes. M, L, XL